I have no idea what I'm doing.
Updated: Jul 5, 2021
It's always that first blog post that's a little bit harrowing. How do you get started, what do you talk about, is anyone even going to read this? Well I figured I'd just start with what I want you to know. I'm 33 years old and for the longest time I have felt like I have no idea what I'm doing.
Let me back up a bit. I've always known what I've wanted to do, but so often our wants and needs get jumbled. Most people know me as a singer. Music has been engrained in my soul for as long as I can remember. I've also always had a passion for bringing people together, having meaningful conversations and making people feel loved. Because of this my music has recently taken a turn of being more sociaI justice and inspirational based. As my career has grown I've found myself speaking out about the things that matter to me and being unapologetic about the views and opinions that I have. That's why I started this entire brand of #WeNeedToTalk. Not just because I felt that people needed to talk about things, but because I needed to talk about them as well.
We are all so afraid of honesty, of asking questions, of looking "stupid" or "ignorant" in front of our peers. But how else can we learn if we don't take the time to talk to one another? How else can we grow and evolve if we don't expose ourselves to other perspectives? How else can we change the world if we only talk to those within our circles? Sometimes we have to draw the circle wider. And as scary as that may seem it's necessary. So that's what I've begun doing. I've been drawing my circle wider. And since doing that I've learned that I'm not alone in how I've been feeling. Most people my age feel that way. We feel lost. We feel uncertain. And we definitely feel like we aren't where we thought we should or would be. But more often than not I feel guilty for having those feelings. You see, I am a woman of faith. I claim Christianity as the practice I most align myself with, but just like everything else I pick and choose what works for me. My faith is simple. I believe in God and I think Jesus was a pretty incredible human being. ( And honestly, if we all chose to be a little more like Jesus, with the whole love, compassion and acceptance thing, the world might truly be a better place.... but I digress.)
As a woman of faith I'm told to simply trust God. To trust he has a plan for me and that my path is laid out, all I have to do is follow it. But the problem is, I've had no idea what that path is suppose to be and I don't know if I'm doing the right things to follow that path. I have no idea if where I currently am is God's will or if I completely messed everything up a few years ago because: reasons. I have no idea if the people in my life are helping me on my journey or crippling me. And I have no idea if the dreams and the goals I have for myself have anything to do with what God has planned for me. I struggle with discernment. I struggle with clarity of God's voice because so often my wants and needs are so loud. And I keep telling myself if these wants and needs are so loud, and this passion inside of me is so strong, how could it not be of God?
But that's just me. For those of you that don't ascribe to a higher power those sentiments probably still resonate with you. Why would a seed be placed inside of you if it was never meant to grow? It's frustrating isn't it? I find myself frustrated often. And that frustration leads to sadness, and that sadness leads to deep depression and that deep depression leads to lying in bed for hours playing Design Home... because I simply do not know what I am supposed to be doing. This admission may come as a shock to some of you. For those who have followed my career for the last 10 years or so you may have seen me accomplish some pretty big things. But the problem is that none of my accomplishments have truly led me closer to where I want to be and it's sadly made me question what my true path is. In a world where social media allows us to only share the highlight reels of our lives, it makes me take a step back and wonder how many people are actually struggling with figuring out their purpose and finding their place in the world. We all want to make an impact. We all want our voices to be heard. But I've noticed for myself, when I achieve something I rarely take the time to enjoy it, to be proud.
So why am I telling you this? Well, so often people come to me for advice. So often people wonder how I got to where I am ( whatever that means.) Well, a few months ago I had an epiphany. And for those of you who already follow me on social media you know that I've decided to take a break from performing for awhile, specifically my own music. I need to figure out who Malynda Hale is outside of music. I need to truly figure out what my purpose in life is. To rid myself of self-doubt and stand firm in the woman that God made me. The thought scares me, but I realized that it's okay to have a shift in your life and career. I realized that sometimes the plans we have for ourselves aren't usually aligned with what God has planned for us because God has something bigger and greater than we could have ever imagined in store for us. Sometimes we don't believe we are worthy of receiving what we have asked for, and sometimes what we have asked for isn't what's best for us. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that what's around the corner is bigger than anything I had ever planned for myself, and that excites me.
So wherever you are in your life, if you feel lost, unsure, or don't have the answers, don't be afraid to talk about it. Ask for clarity. Whether you ask God or just say it out loud to the universe. Ask for clarity, and be specific about what you want. I guarantee, you'll be surprised with the answers you get.