Put Yourself First.
Every year, John and I do a ‘Best of’ box and open it on New Year’s Eve to remember all the good that happened in the year. This year was obviously different, and after March we essentially abandoned this ritual because... reasons. We were obviously blessed with a beautiful daughter, we spent the whole year in our new home and our relationship grew stronger (despite seeing each other all day every day 😂). But personally, I went through a lot.
I’m a huge advocate for mental health. I will always encourage people to get help, talk things out, seek advice and do what they need to do in order to take care of themselves. But this year, especially, I realized how much I wasn’t taking my own advice.
I’ve always approached everything from a place of spirituality and have felt that as long as I put my faith in God, things would get better. But this year my feelings of failure, my obsession with needing to be successful and my pain from feeling like I have never been enough were only amplified.
This year I experienced a personal high of giving birth to Sienna and a personal low of having everything in my life essentially stop. I know I’m probably not alone in these feelings.
While little blessings popped up on occasion throughout the year (live stream shows, Patreon support, new projects, brand sponsorships, etc.), I realized that Covid aside, these feelings of not being enough and feeling like a failure were so deeply engrained in me for as far back as I can remember. I was never a good enough singer, actress, friend, daughter, sister, wife. You name it. I have often felt invisible and never felt like I am enough.
So I made the personal step in the next year to work through these feelings, because at times they are debilitating. I’m going to do my best to focus on everything that I am, not everything that I’m not. And that even a little win is a win.
And yes, I realized you can have Jesus and a therapist too.
Thank you to my inner circle that pushed me to make this step. You know who you are. ❤️
Happy New Year! Know that it’s okay to put yourself first.